Parents Speak: Having a Trans Child Is Great Because…

Raising a gender non-conforming or transgender child can come with a lot of struggles and heartache. Parents can lose unaccepting friends and family. Kids can lose their playmates. Churches can reject lifelong members. Parenting skills can be questioned and sometimes Child Protective Services can get called on for an investigation. Marriages can crumble under the strain. Panic attacks and nightmares about a child’s safety can emerge. Grief over losing the child and a future that has already been idealized can lead to depression.

Sounds really heavy, right? Sounds like there couldn’t be anything really good that comes from a child expressing the need to transition and lived as their affirmed gender.

But that isn’t the case. The reality is that having a trans child can be incredible. If you don’t believe me, read for yourself what parents in an online support group said when they were asked if there was anything awesome about their journey with their kids.

“My kiddo in first grade has had 3 sunny days in the last week at school. Previously, it was at the most one. She is happy, healthy, and excited to be the girl she really is. I’m already seeing a difference in her and we only socially transitioned a week and a half ago.”

This just shows how fast the emotional burden can be lifted from our kids once they know they are supported and their true gender is acknowledged. A week and a half! Sometimes it just takes a day or two to see happiness return.

 

“Having a transchild has reminded me that there is something more than nurture, indeed something more than nurture AND nature, that there is something spiritual, mysterious and unexplainable, something beyond all the explanations about this miracle called life: and so I find myself staring at the stars a lot.”

Religious. Mystical. Magical. Whatever you want to call it, I love this quote because it proves this is bigger than us, bigger than all the people who doubt us and judge us.

 

“At our first outing as a family after transition, we took pictures since we were all dressed up. I posted them on my facebook page and my sister in law called to say that she had never seen my ftm smiling so broadly and so happy. It’s the smiles, we rarely saw them before transition, now they are abundant.”

A lot of times, only close family sees the daily struggle a child has before transition. It’s really nice when people outside of that small circle can see the positive change that comes along when a child is living true to him or herself.

 

“I think for me, it’s been seeing how much people really do love our son – how my family members were willing to change name and pronouns immediately, send “nephew” birthday cards, etc. and seeing/hearing the things that his friends at college, who have seen him go through this transition, are saying to him and how he has impacted their lives.”

Sometimes we are blessed to see how our child’s change actually causes a positive change in others.

 

“Being the parent of a transgender child has been a most significant and meaningful occurrence in my life. I have learned that parents can make such a difference in the lives of their transgender child just by their approval and support. I have seen my child go through something so very difficult but come out of it happy and looking forward to the future. This has been so heartwarming for me. I appreciate the many new things in my life because of my transgender child. I have met new people, such as the members of this group and other support groups, read new and interesting books and articles, become a part of PFLAG, done fun stuff such as marching in the PRIDE parade, and more. What started out as something so difficult has opened up a whole new world for me.”

A lot of us have extended our circles of friends through this process, and often we learn so much and grow into roles we never would have seen ourselves in before having a trans child!

 

“Having a trans child has really opened up my mind, and made me realize just how judgmental I had been (and still am sometimes) of other people. It has helped me grow as a person – I’m much more compassionate and understanding towards others. It’s also making me realize I might really be a Democrat! (although always fiscally conservative – can’t beat that out of me)”

We’ve all see the memes that go around saying you shouldn’t judge others because you never know what they might be dealing with in life. That’s so much easier said than done. Until you’ve had to face a really big challenge yourself. Then suddenly you know exactly what that saying means and it’s a lot easier to take it to heart.

 

“I have always been fascinated by diverse sexuality & gender. It has been my life’s work & passion professionally. Being a parent of a mtf daughter has grounded me even more deeply into my work, my life, and my love with my partner and family in such a new way. My family is blooming. My daughter has been such a catalyst of light fostering our growth. For me and my husband, there is lots of healing old wounds, and discovering new joys with this child. And she loves having a baby sister who shares in lots of tickling & laughter.”

Personal growth. Professional growth. A family blossoming and growing together. I hope this makes you as happy as it makes me.

 

“The joy of seeing them happy and living in their true selves.”

This is really at the heart of our support of our kids. Knowing our children are really, truly happy can make all of the bad things seem inconsequential.

 

“Being trans makes my kid a little different in an awesome way and he’s super cool with a slightly different perception of the world around him.”

Trans kids do have a different view of the world. They see the good and bad, they know how judgmental others can and will be, but they still decide to live true to themselves. That takes courage. That takes moxie. And it’s an awesome way to live!

 

“When we figured out that our child was gender expansive it was like we were finally meeting him, and I love seeing who he is shine through.”

We think we know our kids, but once a child transitions, they will really blossom. The shy or quiet child can come out of that shell. The apprehensive child can reveal huge amounts of courage in trying new things. Interests that were stifled can become full-blown passions. How many of us have the gift of getting to know our kids two times?

 

“Looking back over the past 15 years and knowing we got it right.”

Vindication. Reassurance. THIS is what it’s all about.